optimistic obsessions

Dear Diary,

     Taking three kids, 3 and under to the mall is going to get you some looks, especially if your youngest is 3 weeks old and you are in a clothing store where the majority of shoppers are teens & collage students. We had our fair share of stares as we juggled our children and stocked up on clothes for fall. Of course we had the occasional," you must be busy" or " how old are they?". Despite the typical behavior of a toddler and preschooler fighting over lip gloss, my kids were wonderful today. They endured moms need to shop a bit, their first circus show and then dinner with my family. I'm proud of my children and the individuals they are becoming. I'm thankful for the sweetness they bring into our home. I felt a little like an outcast in this store with my plethora of children but quickly realized that I am one lucky woman whose greatest blessing come in a triple stroller. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for each one of my children. I am so thankful for my son whose flat feet stir up a loud pitter padder as he runs on the hard floor from room to room. Thankful for my daughter who on her last visit to the potty (while pushing) said,"you are the greatest." and for baby Collette who lets me snuggle and kiss on her all day. Paired with my husband they are my greatest joy and I hope they know that. I hope the" I love you's" I give sink into their little hearts and that that love gives them the confidence to do anything. I really just want my children to know how proud I am of them.... especially my older two at this time with the transition of Collette coming into our family. They have been such helpers! I recently have had my parenting questioned. It has been the most offensive thing I have ever been told. I find it odd the source that it is coming from and their dealings with children but none the less the things said took a tole on my little heart. I may not be good at a lot of things but mothering is something I am more than passionate about. I thought about what was said for some time and how I needed to prove that they were wrong. I had different things come to mind that I would say or do if the comments were ever brought up again and then it hit me like a bullet ...... I don't care. I don't care! It's not about proving anyone wrong, or right for that matter. It's not about what others see you doing as a mother or don't see you doing as a mother. My mightiest mothering moments have taken place when I have a child one on one, most of the time we are alone and no one is there to see or congratulate or praise and that's OK because it's not about that. I am realizing that no one knows my children like I do therefore they have no idea what is best for these little ones and will not always understand the choices I make for my children but that's just fine because I don't make choices to please others or earn praise I make the choices I make because I love my children dearly and know what's best for them. I make certain decisions to keep them safe and make them know how loved they are. Mothering instincts are so real and so powerful. Not only can a mothers kiss instantly take away pain but a loving mothers heart can aid in the becoming of a beautiful individual. I believe we help shape and mould our children into who they will become and I can't say I would change a thing because my children amaze me more each and every day. I have an amazing husband who is a good example for these kids and I am so thankful to him for the example he sets in our home. I am thankful for mothers, mother figures and women all around me who are good examples and help me and support me in being the mother I am and strive to be. But most of all I am thankful to my own mother who in her short 53 years stayed home with us while we were young, made family dinners, helped out at school, sold girl scout cookies with me, slept with me in her arms after a bad nights dream, loved me when I wasn't so lovable, was always there for me, and taught me what the most sincere form of mothering was all about. When I think of my own mother and the mother I am striving to be to my children I think of this.....

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.  ~Washington Irving