Welcome to my blog. . . .

I am pessimistict, my husband hates it and sometimes it takes away from the happiness I have all around me and so. . . this blog is dedicated to finding something good in each day and being optimistic.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Ready to run.....

Right now I am surrounded by moving boxes, packing tape and sheets of bubble wrap. We're outta here shortly. I have to say I am feeling a roller coaster of emotions. These past two months have been a little dark for me. The self I feel confident about crawled into hiding and became distant from everything that has any importance to me. I felt so awful I didn't want my husband to touch me, I didn't want to nurture and spend time with my children and I didn't want to became closer to Christ by doing the day to day things that keep me going and give me true happiness. Like I said it has been a little dark. Rays of sunshine would pass by like a meal from a friend, a sweet moment with my children or a feeling of love from my Father in Heaven but ultimately I have been tucked away in this pocket of gloom. I've been facing anxiety attacks and just getting through the day to get through it not to enjoy it. It has been hard. Morning sickness limited me to the couch and left me just wanting to feel good for a brief moment so I could be happy. The fear of our move and the stresses that will come from this all took over. The unknowing in what the plan is for me and my family has been overwhelming and I have felt fearful instead of having faith.
Lately the morning sickness has now made improvement and is only there about half a day. I have found more joy feeling good at least half a day and enjoying this time with my family. Oh my sweet children and dear husband. I started packing today.... Loading and wrapping dish wear, I started to feel sad and fearful. Then it hit me, with the gloom that has been around me these past months what better time for change then now. A new place to refind joy in motherhood. A new city to go on dates with my love. A place to start fresh. All gloom can be left behind. This is a chance to start something new and make it a positive change, a change for the better. I'm excited to start a new routine and find how joy can be the captain of my new routine. I'm excited to be enlightened by old friends and familiar faces I have grown up with. I'm giddy to see what my home town will bring our family after being gone for 6 years. I am ready. Ready to say good bye to this chapter. Ready to welcome a new chapter. Ready to have stronger faith and a better me.

6 notes:

Makenzie said...

Aw, I heard you guys were moving, but I wasn't sure when. Congrats on everything. Be happy to get out of Tucson..that place is going down hill fast and you shouldn't have to raise your children in a place like that.

The Brinkerhoff's said...

Sorry moving can't be fun with two kids and being pregnant!!! But Mesa is going to be great place for your family

uniquelynat said...

wow. i really just felt like you had somehow jumped in my skin and described my life (except the morning sickness part). i have been in a whirlwind of uncertainty for the last year (come the end of the month). we went from waiting for 2 babies that we ended up not getting (adoption) to putting our house up for sale. with no rest in between. and now a year later- i am tired. and want to be done. and we are moving back to gilbert- my hometown. haha

the one thing i have learned for certain through all of this though is that the Lord knows. He knows! me. my family. my heart. our troubles. and concerns. and He loves me. so ultimately- it will all be good...if not great. :)

thanks for letting a total stranger ramble on to you! i love your blog. thanks for sharing your smile with me whenever i pop over!
smile on!

David and Shalynna said...

Karla,

I should have been calling you this past month. Maybe good friends go through challenges at similar times? I've been really down myself. It's been a tough month and actually a tough week. Hang in there. I'm glad that you are excited to move to Mesa! That means we'll see each other more. Love you.

CHRISTINE said...

Oh Karla..several times I have thought about calling you and didn't follow those promptings, for that I am sorry! I am thoroughly excited about having you guys move back..it will be wonderful! I love you and am sorry you have felt so gloomy and worried. Everything will work out! Let me know what I can do for you when you get here...for now I am always just a phone call (or text) away.

Nicole... given said...

i love your blog header.