Ready to run.....

Right now I am surrounded by moving boxes, packing tape and sheets of bubble wrap. We're outta here shortly. I have to say I am feeling a roller coaster of emotions. These past two months have been a little dark for me. The self I feel confident about crawled into hiding and became distant from everything that has any importance to me. I felt so awful I didn't want my husband to touch me, I didn't want to nurture and spend time with my children and I didn't want to became closer to Christ by doing the day to day things that keep me going and give me true happiness. Like I said it has been a little dark. Rays of sunshine would pass by like a meal from a friend, a sweet moment with my children or a feeling of love from my Father in Heaven but ultimately I have been tucked away in this pocket of gloom. I've been facing anxiety attacks and just getting through the day to get through it not to enjoy it. It has been hard. Morning sickness limited me to the couch and left me just wanting to feel good for a brief moment so I could be happy. The fear of our move and the stresses that will come from this all took over. The unknowing in what the plan is for me and my family has been overwhelming and I have felt fearful instead of having faith.
Lately the morning sickness has now made improvement and is only there about half a day. I have found more joy feeling good at least half a day and enjoying this time with my family. Oh my sweet children and dear husband. I started packing today.... Loading and wrapping dish wear, I started to feel sad and fearful. Then it hit me, with the gloom that has been around me these past months what better time for change then now. A new place to refind joy in motherhood. A new city to go on dates with my love. A place to start fresh. All gloom can be left behind. This is a chance to start something new and make it a positive change, a change for the better. I'm excited to start a new routine and find how joy can be the captain of my new routine. I'm excited to be enlightened by old friends and familiar faces I have grown up with. I'm giddy to see what my home town will bring our family after being gone for 6 years. I am ready. Ready to say good bye to this chapter. Ready to welcome a new chapter. Ready to have stronger faith and a better me.